dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You left your phone here
Wait...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
