I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
