i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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