omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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