i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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