I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
