You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
