you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
