Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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