your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
