dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
