If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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