hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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