Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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