You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
