Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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