just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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