so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My friends, they love my intelligence
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
