my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
