doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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