We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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