i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
