i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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