Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
and you fell through a lawn chair
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
