Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
