How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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