Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
