I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
