sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
