You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
