She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize