Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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