Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
