well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
