matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
