literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
