I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
