just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
