Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
