eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
