I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I skipped work to stalk him.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
