Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
