I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
