I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
