I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i've created a new STD.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are a genius and a whore.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
