he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
