I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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