Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
