oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
