America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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