The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
