Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
