So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
