he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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