Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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